Something I have learned since pursuing a more intimate relationship with God, more fully experiencing Him is that experiencing Him means the good and the bad. Feeling the closeness and comfort by his proximity, but also feeling the weight of his discipline through that same proximity. When I was recently working through something difficult, desperate for God's guidance, he gave me a very clear answer which I knew was him, because it was NOT what I wanted to do. So I obeyed at first, then the next day when I had another chance to obey, I did not, and it made a mess of things. That evening, I felt the weight of enemy attack as well as the weight of my Father's discipline, which was heavy and heartbreaking. I felt in that moment, that while this is what I asked for with more deeply experiencing the Lord, I didn't WANT what that came with. I didn't WANT the heaviness and weight that accompanied his proximity. However, I was only able to identify this discipline as a sign of his nearness because I had been in the scriptures. I have read Genesis, and the accounts of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob who had been disciplined by God. I had heard God's rawness in his conversations with Job. This was the God who was loving, yes, but coddling, no. And for once, I was experiencing that. I was feeling Him telling me, "I told you to do better, and so what did you expect when you did not listen?" I've never experienced it before, but I knew this discomfort could only mean one thing, I was moving in the right direction, as painful as it was. 

When did you realize that God loved you?

When your heart has become hardened, and you do not want to read your bible or pray, 

The role of "influencer" has overtaken social media over the last few years. Open up any social media page and you will find the latest cleaning hack, workout plan, DIY project, and self care promotion. Now I have certainly taken advantage of some of these tools and tricks that have crossed my screen because it truly is helpful! However, all good things in moderation, right? What happens when we are constantly bombarded with the latest trends? We fall into a state of comparison. And while this comparison is usually referenced to us women comparing our physical appearances to others, I have also fallen victim to comparing my home to others as well. I see the latest home trends, renovation ideas, and decor influence and can't help but look around and covet what someone else may have in their home. Thankfully, the Lord not only convicted me of this jealousy and discontentment but faithfully DELIVERED me from it. So, I'm here to tell you, sis, your shelves are fine if you don't "restyle them for Spring".

It's been THAT day. One child is screaming because they can't put their shirt on by themselves but refuse help. One child is screaming because they want milk in a different cup. And once you resolve those separate issues, they're screaming at each other. Oh. And it is only 9:30 in the morning. You can't breathe, and honestly you don't even WANT to be mom today at this point. It's then, that both kids run into your bedroom and begin their scrambling ascent to the top of your bed. The bed that you made as soon as you finished your first coffee, bringing order and peace to a small portion of what would be your tumultuous day. The pillows are flung to the floor and the blankets pristinely placed now in disarray. I can already hear the criticism. "Let your kids be kids! They need to explore their environment! They need the outlet of energy! Is it so inconvenient for you to pick up your pillows after they're done playing? Is it that bad if your room is a little messy because your children are thriving in their environment?" And to ALL of the mom peer pressure, I will say...

"People will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people." 

"How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word." -Psalm 119:9

We all go through seasons of spiritual growth, thriving, as well as attack. These attacks can be small and derail us for a brief moment, or they can come at a larger scale. Large enough to the point where you feel like you at war over control of your own mind, and you may even feel like you’re losing. Unless we are aware of what God’s truth says, and the reality of what Satan is capable of and not capable of, we run the risk of giving the enemy more credit than he deserves. We also risk not being able to properly defend our minds and capture thoughts before we create a weapon ourselves and hand it over to Satan to use against us.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another.

I remember my sixth-grade talent show as clear as day. I sat in an auditorium chair behind a makeshift stage curtain, picking my nails down to the quick (an anxious habit that was once my mother's to redirect, is now my husband's). I had sung karaoke in our garage on Friday nights, but this was the first time I had sung in public to this extent, and I would be lying if I said some sort of fire was not lit within me. I mean, what young girl doesn't choreograph dances with her friends, and fantasize about performing in some glamorous outfit? As years continued to pass through junior high and high school I was encouraged by family and close friends to pursue singing, which eventually led me to auditioning and leading worship for our church's youth ministry. What started in youth ministry led to leading for main services, and even recording some worship songs with our worship team. But while a teenage girl far from the Lord was singing his praise and basking in the stage light, the Lord was laying the foundation to teach me the most valuable lesson I would learn about worship.

To the woman who cried out to God but felt like he refused to answer, I'm glad you're here.