It's Okay to Not Want to Pray

When your heart has become hardened, and you do not want to read your bible or pray, 

read your bible and pray.

When you are angry and hurt and want to isolate into your feelings, text a friend and ask for prayer.

When you are in a low place emotionally or mentally, fight against yourself to press into the things that you know work.

You have to fight to do the work that works, because in those moments the enemy makes it much easier to let your flesh flow in the other direction, but what's around the bend? After sitting in your hurt and sorrow and sadness and anger, you cave further and further within the abyss of a heart of stone, you turn the riverbend to face a torrential whirlpool of chaos that starkly contrasts the leisurely ease it took to get there. You were baited by the enemy, lured by your emotions, and ultimately caught in an emotional state you are now struggling to climb out of. 

This, surprisingly enough, is the easy route out of sorrow. Temporary, but easy.

So, fight to go the hard way. The disciplined way.

Bow your head, even though you can't unfurl your balled fists. Through gritted teeth, tell God you are having to force this encounter because your heart feels hard. Don't sugar coat anything, tell Him how you told your shower walls not much earlier. But even still, come to Him. Be honest with the reality that you don't feel like praying, and you don't want to read your Bible, but you will anyways, if only out of necessity and logic rather desire or praise. He delights in that still. 

The point is, even when, especially when you don't want to fight to do the things that work, do them anyways. When you feel a loss of hope, press into the only things that you know will help. You don't have to wait until you want to read the Word to read it. And you don't have to wait until your heart has softened to pray.